memories of moalboal

t'was two nights before halloween when i and friends--ivy, keith, mon, atan, tope, deo and sanny--headed out three hours from the city to moalboal.

so off we went in a v-hire, with sanny singing at the top of his lungs about someone thinking of him beneath the pale moonlight. we arrived just in time for an interesting night-life at panagsama beach as there was some party going on in the neighborhood. after looking around (the beach area has a number of small bars, hotels and restaurants with a few sari-sari's mixed in) and having dinner (with mon doing a lot of video taking), we went to the discobar/restaurant just at the back of the place where we were renting. there were halloween-costumed people that night so we knew there was going to be a show. we found a corner and had some beer. after the show (some sort of pageant) the dance-floor was quickly jammed. soon we joined in and were dancing hard and turning and jumping and sweating and laughing.

after the disco we chose to go to the beach, never mind the low tide. well, i could have just given up and headed back to our room. but as soon as i was in the water, there was no regret because there's always that commune with nature that you feel when you're adrift in the sea at night and looking up at the sky.

soon it was time to sleep. i thought sleep would not come, what with sanny's singing again, but the next thing i knew, the window was already emitting sunlight into our room. we had a light breakfast--which was too light, because later, my stomach had started to grumble well before lunchtime. we had planned to wake up early in the morning but it was already midmorning by the time the whole group started out for the orchid farm. we went on a hike, minding the sun and distance (who's idea was it to walk all the way to the farm anyway?) just to view the orchids. but our efforts were rewarded because there were hundreds of orchids and--lo and behold--a swimming pool tucked amidst the orchid farm. i wanted to stay at the shallow part of the pool but after some encouragement and a lot of taunting, i had to swim where the water was fearfully deeper than i was tall.

later in the day, we trooped back to our room to checkout. we then finally headed to our last itinerary: basdaku beach. it was close to sunset as we chilled on the sand, waiting for the northern sun to drop further. and the perfect sunset did come. i felt breathless long after i had ran and scampered for my camera phone. i was overwhelmed and drowning in its magnificence, as if i was seeing the setting of the sun for the first time. i willed myself to record it, to remember. something about the feeling was reminiscent of equally exquisite moments, like catching myself wallowing in a particularly good painting, or looking up and seeing sunbeams filtered through swaying branches of an accacia tree at U.P., or a resonance after perusing a poem: elusive, unrepeatable.

night fell with a legion of stars. keith filled us with songs from his good old favorite themes. we sang with him, counted the falling stars, danced, drank beer, and played silly games.

awakened in the morning to grains of sand in the tent. 9 am and we are homeward-bound.

wasn't that a wonderful halloween treat.

at dawn

for a little over a year now i have been waking up at dawn.

no, i don't have a sleeping problem; my shift starts at dawn, as it is for most of us who work at a call center.

so i wake to the shrill of the phone alarm and to the chill of a dark night, but i know that the night is done. dawn is quiet, save for the subtle frequency waves lapping at the ear drums: of bird songs from the bushes that seem to pound the hollow vastness of the sky and of church bells faintly calling from a distance. when you go to the streets, you'd think the roads knew no traffic jam.

upon arriving at the workplace the eye instantly adjusts to the bright flourescent lights that make anyone forget about the time and the darkness outside. it feels like being transported to a different time zone. it feels like a magic spell has just been cast--there's suddenly a lot of activity. (it makes me think of the prince and princesses in sleeping beauty's castle, all suddenly springing back to life, when she was finally kissed by her long-awaited prince.)

oh yes, i'm not alone. i'm in exalted company of people who, too, have promptly exchanged the warmth of their beds with the poignant coldness of the office booth and the rather monotonous job. mostly of those people who, for the immediate bigger pay, have sacrificed their dreams.

(sigh!) and so begins another struggler's day.

a death that never was?

book six was rather short. i'm talking about harry potter and the half blood prince, the sixth novel in j.k. rowling's harry potter series. it's a little frustrating, not because it felt too short, but because.. oh well, maybe you haven't read the book yet. so don't go on reading this post unless you have.

anyway, this is my blog and i can write anything i want... i was frustrated at how easily snape had killed dumbledore. i mean, dumbledore was supposed to be the greatest wizard, was he not? but he didn't really do anything to keep snape from killing him. he merely pleaded for him not to, and that didn't do any good.

do i sound too carried away? anyway, a friend has just offered some theories, like, it was really dumbledore's plan to sacrifice his own life, or something to that effect. how i envy j.k. rowling and all novelists in general. not that i actually want to become i writer. but isn't it wonderful to weave stories and turn it around just like that, probably on a whim?

the story really got me. but it's still inevitable to speculate that dumbledore must have left something similar to a horcrux, if he isn't still alive. looking back, the story was rather fishy. dumbledore had actually paralyzed harry (did he do it to prevent harry from messing up with some plan that he had?) when he could have used a hundred other spells. fawkes, the phoenix, had not come to the rescue even when dumbledore was so obviously in danger. and i'm sure snape's not evil, i'd bet with anyone.

forgive my caffeine-induced rambling. we're having downtime now so i'm blogging. and surfing. and talking. and eating a little.

now, on with my rambling. a constant theme throughout the harry potter books has been the idea that love is a power stronger than evil -- stronger, in fact, than magic. in one of the book's best scenes, dumbledore tells harry, "you are protected by your ability to love." so i'll be looking forward to how harry shall finally vanquish voldemort in the seventh and last book.

unsolveable

i was in that mystery between wakefulness and sleep where thoughts stretch and wind and weave... ah, how wonderful just to give in, albeit the feeling that something was amiss.

"she shouldn't have admitted it. she shouldn't have given in to her enemies!"

it was my brother's voice, jolting me awake. he was talking about no less than the president of the philippines, of course. he said it with so much conviction, as if doing so would alter the course of things... now i know why i felt something was wrong. i have fallen asleep while watching tv. i was watching a news program and i was supposed to be waiting for an important part, that part where president gloria macapagal-arroyo asks for forgiveness from the filipino people. for i've heard she had already admitted that is was in fact her voice that was in the audiotapes now commonly known as the "hello, garci" tapes. the wiretapped conversations were indeed between president arroyo and election commissioner virgilio garcillano.

pgma's face appeared on the tv screen. and there it was, her controversial apology to the filipino people for her "lapse in judgement". i didn't know whether to laugh or cry. her apology would have been laudable (its humbling, especially so for someone who's on the highest seat of power in the land) except that it was done as a last resort. in her last major statement she said she will not comment on the material that was illegally derived. how funny her assertiion was. its like saying, "its not my voice and besides, my rights were violated when they recorded our conversations". haha! and oh, what she did was not a lapse of judgement. it was outright cheating. she might as well have admitted this if she were to come out clean.

"she shouldn't have admitted it."

it was a more passionate statement from my brother to reiterate what he just said as if he wasn't heard the first time. but how can i explain to him that i have simply stopped caring? i used to care so much. i was one of those people who went out to the streets to oust former president estrada. i was pissed when the opening of the second envelope in the impeachment trial was blocked and when i joined the rally, it was heartfelt.

my sister (who at the side was busy with the computer) simply dismissed my brother's comment with, "you're just being fooled by the politicians and the media. you better not pay attention."

i couldn't agree more. everything is messed up. what's next? a military take over will only push the country backwards. people power is becoming a passe. an impeachment trial could take forever. who will we replace the president with? the current vice president is not up to the task. the political opposition also suffers from serious problems since its leaders are left overs of the marcos and estrada administration.

i haven't even solved my personal problems, let alone the country's.

i was then bent on getting some sleep, which i seem to have very little of these days, what with work and assignments and trying to get a life in between.

a stellar fact

stars are thousands of light-years away from us. it's possible that before the light reaches us, the star explodes, but we see it and will still continue to see it for next thousand (or respective) years.


light-year:
(noun) the distance that light travels in one year (9.46 trillion kilometers!)

dead stars

i and a friend of mine once talked about past loves. eventually, i had to ask him if he still had feelings with someone from the past. he told me he was seeing dead stars.

i thought i heard him wrong. i certainly didn't get it. then not long after that, he handed me a book (which was a collection of short stories by some of our favorite authors) and told me to read one particular story entitled "dead stars".

set in a conservative filipino community, the story was of an engaged man who, almost at the eve of his wedding, falls for someone else whom he had met only briefly. will he dare choose a stranger, a woman that could cause violent commotion in his heart, yet had no place in the completed ordering of his life? or should he follow the dictates of society and marry the woman practically everyone he knew expects him to marry? he ended up marrying the woman he was engaged with but not without having to suffer from the excruciating dilemma. many years later, he chanced to visit the stranger whom he had spent only a few brief moments with. he thought he had been longing for her all those years. but he realized that he only had been seeing dead stars.

interestingly, a line said, "he had been seeing the light of dead stars, long extinguished, but seemingly still in their appointed places in the heavens".

then i remembered that some of the stars we see at night have long been burnt-out. it takes a lot of years before a star's light rays reach us. sometimes we still see those light rays even when the star has long become a dead star. and that's how we look at our feelings sometimes.

sometimes, love dies. some of us will know when it's about to die. some of us don't. but most of us try to hold on. for how can you part with something that gives you so much joy? how can you part with something that makes you feel so human, so alive? no, you desperately cling to it.

sometimes you think you're still in love; however, when you try to rekindle those old feelings and try to spend time with that special someone, you might suddenly realize that you were simply hanging on with the feeling.

only with the feeling.

uncle's wedding

my uncle had his wedding two days ago and we went all the way to the south the night before the big day. it wasn't very easy going around with a big family and we were lucky to have caught up with the last bus trip that night. and so we went all through that familiar journey again with walls and walls of mountains at one side and the sea visible at the other.

i and my other two siblings was part of the bridal entourage and i was an instant lector, too. my family and relatives went swimming in the nearby cold spring before we all went home.

camiguin

well, the last major thing so far was our trip to Camiguin. it was totally fantastic. the first day of the trip was spent in Iligan. Tinago Waterfalls is easily the most beautiful waterfalls i've ever seen. its the type of picturesque background perfect for fairytale movies. we also dropped by the Maria Christina Falls and nearby cold springs. our second day was spent unwinding and relaxing in Cagayan. Lim Ket Kai was great. we also visited parks, with colorful lights that were such a sight, sprawled all over the city. on our third day we woke up early and all scrambled to the terminal to catch the bus for Balingoan. from there, we got onboard the ferry for Camiguin Island. Camiguin at last! it is this closeness to earth that gives this feeling of heaven... our itineraries for the remaining three days included Ardent Hot Springs, Sto. Niño Cold Springs, the Cross Marker and Sunken Cemetery. i especially like White Island. and the pastel buns, hmmm, yum yum. i haven't seen all our pictures yet but i'll be posting them on my website as soon as i get hold of them.

on my own

this is a favorite of mine from les miserables.


On My Own

And now I'm all alone again
Nowhere to go no one to turn to
Did not want your money sir
I came out here coz i was told to
And now the night is near
Now I can make believe he's here

Sometimes I walk alone at night
When everybody else is sleeping
I think of him and then I'm happy
With the company I'm keeping
The city goes to bed
And I can live inside my head

On my own
Pretending he's beside me
All alone, I walk with him till morning
Without him I feel his arms around me
And when I lose my way I close my eyes
And he has found me

In the rain the pavement shines like silver
All the lights are misty in the river
In the darkness, the trees are full of starlight
And all I see is him and me for ever and forever

And I know it's only in my mind
That I'm talking to myself and not to him
And although I know that he is blind
Still I say, there's a way for us

I love him
But when the night is over
He is gone, the river's just a river
Without him the world around me changes
The trees are bare and everywhere
The streets are full of strangers

I love him
But every day I'm learning
All my life I've only been pretending
Without me his world will go on turning
A world that's full of happiness
That I have never known!

I love him
I love him
I love him
But only on my own

high school

i had dreams set in the high school setting on the last couple of days. not that it matters that much, but i guess it had something to do with my having read an article by mabelle. when i woke up last night a lot of memories came flooding back. i even remembered the writings in my handbook and looked for it, but i was in vain. so i just sat there and let the very random memories take over me.

i remember how private it felt when i sit with my friends on the grass just far enough from the small building that was our school. i remember the wild bushes and grasses at the side and the back of the school. i remember the first time we went to STEC, Basak and the way the airplanes' deafening roar would somewhat make us pause.

i remember the time when keith and i had to go into the side of the building to look for a frog for a stupid science experiment. we went all the way through the grasses to the runway (the airport isn't too far away) but we didn't catch any frog. we went back to our room and ended up using atan's blood (he accidentally got wounded) for the science activity.

there was also that time when we had to plant a tree and clean up a portion of land near the tree house so that we could plant monggo seeds. roi had an idea. why don't we just burn that little area so that we wouldn't have to pull out the weeds? the weeds were very dry and it was easy to start the fire. we went to fetch water as soon as the fire was big enough. we went to the well for water but before we could go back to the plot near our tree houses, we heard neighbors screaming for help. they were shouting that their houses are going to be burned down easily once the fire reaches any of their houses. i was thinking, what fire? where? and it turned out that it started from no less than the fire i and roi made.

i remember getting stones for the rock garden at the back of the building. the rock garden was quite nice and i was proud of it. i remember keith's drawing of the class which was hung just above the whiteboard. i remember the mulit-colored sheets that we used to cover our tables, especialy the table i shared with mabelle in second year and the way we would sit and sing songs in the corner with fernando or marlon's accompaniment.

the chaos that was our class in third year was unforgettable, too. it got very noisy when the teacher was not around. we were naughty but still we were very productive. our stage plays went nicely. i also remember how beautiful aiza looked during the prom. on the very last days of our fourth year there wasn't much academic pressure and it was fun. sometimes we would lock the air conditioned room, turn off the lights, turn the radio on, and yes, sleep. sometimes we would play the "kamatayan" in the swing or just sit around gossiping, playing chess, drawing, painting, taking turns playing the guitar, making creative syntheses and all the things high school students ought to do.

just another day

once again i had a not so forgettable day of hearts. we who are "not taken" may readily agree that there is that wee bit of envy for those romantic sweethearts who don't give a damn about the world on valentines day. oh, call it sour graping, but although im very much single, i had a very heartwarming and indeed very happy valentines day. its probably a good thing that my other friends are unattached, too, because if they were not, maybe we wouldn't have had that get together in the beach... lol... actually we go to the beach very often, and i mean very often, but this time its much more special simply because it was on a valentines day and that i thought i would have died out of boredom that morning. it was a while after the sunset when we got to the pretty much isolated beach and we had grill and music and our favorite good old songs. keith and i even attempted to dance some waltz... wahaha. and then the others arrived with so much food that after we ate we had a lot of leftovers and after that we had videoke and then we played silly games near the shore which included a lot of running and pushing around ugggh!!... we went back home very late. or should i say early at dawn... and i was happy.

attempt

im new at this blog thing so i really dunno what to write right now. a friend had just showed me the ropes. i think this'll be a cool way to make your thoughts known to the world. this is much better than the free websites with the annoying ad banners so i guess i just have to try this.