unsolveable

i was in that mystery between wakefulness and sleep where thoughts stretch and wind and weave... ah, how wonderful just to give in, albeit the feeling that something was amiss.

"she shouldn't have admitted it. she shouldn't have given in to her enemies!"

it was my brother's voice, jolting me awake. he was talking about no less than the president of the philippines, of course. he said it with so much conviction, as if doing so would alter the course of things... now i know why i felt something was wrong. i have fallen asleep while watching tv. i was watching a news program and i was supposed to be waiting for an important part, that part where president gloria macapagal-arroyo asks for forgiveness from the filipino people. for i've heard she had already admitted that is was in fact her voice that was in the audiotapes now commonly known as the "hello, garci" tapes. the wiretapped conversations were indeed between president arroyo and election commissioner virgilio garcillano.

pgma's face appeared on the tv screen. and there it was, her controversial apology to the filipino people for her "lapse in judgement". i didn't know whether to laugh or cry. her apology would have been laudable (its humbling, especially so for someone who's on the highest seat of power in the land) except that it was done as a last resort. in her last major statement she said she will not comment on the material that was illegally derived. how funny her assertiion was. its like saying, "its not my voice and besides, my rights were violated when they recorded our conversations". haha! and oh, what she did was not a lapse of judgement. it was outright cheating. she might as well have admitted this if she were to come out clean.

"she shouldn't have admitted it."

it was a more passionate statement from my brother to reiterate what he just said as if he wasn't heard the first time. but how can i explain to him that i have simply stopped caring? i used to care so much. i was one of those people who went out to the streets to oust former president estrada. i was pissed when the opening of the second envelope in the impeachment trial was blocked and when i joined the rally, it was heartfelt.

my sister (who at the side was busy with the computer) simply dismissed my brother's comment with, "you're just being fooled by the politicians and the media. you better not pay attention."

i couldn't agree more. everything is messed up. what's next? a military take over will only push the country backwards. people power is becoming a passe. an impeachment trial could take forever. who will we replace the president with? the current vice president is not up to the task. the political opposition also suffers from serious problems since its leaders are left overs of the marcos and estrada administration.

i haven't even solved my personal problems, let alone the country's.

i was then bent on getting some sleep, which i seem to have very little of these days, what with work and assignments and trying to get a life in between.